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Alright, so Wendy's is supposedly closing hundreds of stores. Hundreds! You'd think they were selling kale smoothies or something.
The "Elevate the Brand" BS
Interim CEO Ken Cook, bless his heart, says these stores "do not elevate the brand." Oh, please. Elevate the brand to what? Slightly less stale fries? Let's be real, the only thing Wendy's "elevates" is my cholesterol. I mean, what does that even mean? Is there some secret Wendy's society where they judge restaurants on their "brand elevation" potential?
And this gem: "...a drag from a franchisee financial performance perspective." Translation: they ain't making enough money. Shocking, I know.
But here's the thing that REALLY grinds my gears. They're not telling us which locations are getting the axe. They're just dangling this threat over our heads, like some fast-food Grim Reaper. Are there any Wendy's closing in New Jersey? Are any Iowa stores on the list? Who knows! Cook just confirmed the closures will start later this year. Real specific, guys. Real specific.
Talk about anxiety fuel.
Tendy's to the Rescue? Give Me a Break.
Apparently, their "Tendy's" (yes, they're calling them "Tendy's") are selling like hotcakes. Some locations are "blowing through their inventory" before they're even advertised. Okay, first of all, "Tendy's"? Seriously? Are we running a fast-food chain or a daycare center? And second, so what? Chicken tenders are the culinary equivalent of white noise. They're fine, I guess. But are they going to save the whole damn company? I highly doubt it.
Maybe I'm just being cynical. Nah.
They're also talking about transferring ownership of failing restaurants and investing in "better equipment and technological resources." Translation: they're throwing money at the problem and hoping it sticks. It won't.
Oh, and speaking of throwing money away... I saw a commercial for their new breakfast menu the other day. Sausage, Egg and Swiss croissant? $4.99? Are they nuts? I can get a decent breakfast sandwich at the corner deli for half that price. Who's making these decisions?
The Inevitable Conclusion (Or Lack Thereof)
Look, I get it. Businesses fail. Markets shift. People get tired of mediocre fast food. But the way Wendy's is handling this is just insulting. The vague announcements, the corporate jargon, the desperate attempts to hype up chicken tenders... it all reeks of desperation.
And honestly, it's not just Wendy's. It's every damn corporation out there. They treat us like we're idiots, feeding us this carefully crafted PR garbage while they quietly screw us over. They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...
I need a burger.
So, What's the Real Story?
Here's the real story: Wendy's is dying a slow, painful death, and their "Tendy's" ain't gonna save them. Good riddance, I say. Maybe if they spent less time trying to "elevate the brand" and more time making decent food at a reasonable price, they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. But hey, what do I know? I'm just some angry dude with a keyboard. Offcourse, I could be wrong. But I ain't.